You guys… wanna know something crazy?
Approximately 8 minutes after I hit ‘post’ on my last entry, after I admitted the hard thing, after I left my anxiety and left room for the miracles, I drove home and found one in my mailbox.
Sometimes God doesn’t pull through in the way that you pray he will, but sometimes he does. Either way he loves us with that same love and desires the best for us. Sometimes our best isn’t his best, but sometimes it is.
Sometimes those prayers we repeated, weaved nonstop throughout our days get answered, and we are astonished, dumbfounded, flooded with overwhelming joy. We’re shocked that there really is someone listening. Someone who truly cares.
After I checked the mail I spent the next couple hours sitting on my floor crying and laughing hysterically. I seriously felt like a looney tune.
I think when life gets rough it’s easy to believe God doesn’t really care. When you read the paper and watch the news and you don’t get that job and too many people you know are getting sick, the circumstances make it easy to wonder if God’s fallen asleep at the wheel.
Listen guys. He’s always good. No matter what. Regardless. Doesn’t that feel wrong to believe? It’s true though and it’s because his plans surpass our capacity of his knowledge. We can’t fathom the bigger picture because we can’t see it. I don’t believe that God intends for horrible things to happen, but I know he works in the midst of the heartache and meets all of us where we are. When my dad left and my mom died and I got Typhiod after lending hands in a broken, grace-filled place. After I struggled and wobbled through the months following a nasty break up. After the “you deserved everything that happened to you,” the, “it was your fault she died.” After nearly a lifetime of wondering if I’m enough. He was just as good in those struggles as he was when he delivered this miracle. In the turmoil and the aftermath, he’s always been there. Good is kneading when we need him.
And by laying my hurt at his feet, I received so much more than a miracle that day. I received grace and hope and I was reminded my burdens were never mine to carry. That they were beaten, wounded, slaughtered for and I lived as if I believed that truth.
So why don’t you lay it all down. The hurts, the worries, the anxieties. See what happens? Try it and get back to me.