Relationships are a struggle. They’re a struggle but they’re also the very best gift and probably the best thing since freshly made Panera bagels. Can I get an amen?
I wonder what life would be like if we all walked the earth with huge signs around our neck that had all our weaknesses written on it. Mine for example would probably read: #1: slow to trust others (reeeaaally, reeeeeeeally slow), #2: easily aggravated when hangry, #3: loves salt. I’m not sure the last one qualifies but everyone keeps trying to stop me from living my life and I’m just like… did you read #1?
Back to relationships. Relationships are the best gift, like I was saying. But they can also bring out the weakest parts in you. For example, it was so much easier to be a driven, independent, strong-headed, happy-hearted woman when I was single. It was easy to keep my weaknesses hidden and let my independance shine. It was so easy I almost hid my weaknesses from myself. I was living this perfectly unrealistic life.
But now I’ve got this guy who loves the crap out of me and I’m forced to face the parts of me that are broken. I’m forced to brave the pain and work on the hard things so we can have a more successful relationship and so I can be the best person I can be for someone else.
When you’re sharing a life with someone, day in and day out sharing thoughts and words and feelings, sooner or later all the hard stuff you’ve been brushing under the rug are going to reveal themselves. Essentially, your cracks are going to show. (Hopefully not your actual crack or crack cocaine but I’m not here to judge). Letting someone see all your faults, all your brokenness, your regrets, struggles, insecurities, can be so painful. It can feel like when you’re in a shizzy mood and you want to walk around with a straight face all day and mean mug the people that are taking too long in line then someone’s nice to you. Like, hello??? I was having a horribly successful time rotting in my misery why did you have to smile at me like that?!
Donald Miller wrote,
Real love stories don’t have dictators, they have participants. Love is an ever-changing, complicated, choose-your-own adventure narrative that offers the world but guarantees nothing…I no longer believe love works like a fairy tale but like farming. Most of it is just getting up early and tilling the soil and then praying for rain. But if we do the work, we just might wake up one day to find an endless field of crops rolling into the horizon.
I love this quote. It broke a lot of unrealistic desires in me and let God plant healthy ones. Love is hard work, it’s scary, it’s vulnerable, but the reward is in the elbow grease, the sweat, the tears, the hard conversations, the sacrifice, the growing/healing/overcoming. It’s in the tilling of the soil that love can take deep roots.
So in the end, you get what you give. If you’re consistent, if you persistently try to better yourself, if you expose your vulnerabilities and hope the person you’ve chosen to love won’t hurt you, that’s when the crops grow. And if you eat too much salt, you’ll have a heart attack or something but I’m ignoring that for now.
So let your insecurities, your shame, what you feel are your undesired traits free, and let someone love them. Plant those seeds, till the soil and Google which order that goes in cause I honestly don’t know. Love is worth it.