Cheez-its

I do not trust God. Let me clarify, I do trust God. But only when things are going smoothly. You know how I know I don’t really trust God? Change. 

Change freakin’ sucks. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Who’s with me.

And to really clarify, my hatred does not discriminate; I hate any and every kind of change.

I know that I don’t trust God because in the midst of change I am like a flailing squirrel in the middle of a pool. Can squirrels swim? So not only do I not trust God, but I don’t even trust that he wants good for me. 

This is how my life goes:

Look at situation. Look at it reallllly questionably and cock your head a little. Be very weary of taking that step forward. Actually, take a few steps back just in case. Make sure situation gives you anxiety and stresses you out so much that it’s 6:34PM and you forgot to eat that day. Cry. Lay on the floor and cry. Write a blog post about crying. Question God. Don’t actually talk to him though. Listen to some music and feel really hopeless. Don’t believe that God has good in store for you. Write about that too. Eat cheez-its.

CAN YOU SEE WHY I AM SO STRESSED OUT !?!?!

If you’re like me and your childhood was full of moving and adapting and losing then you’re probably a control freak like me. If your childhood wasn’t like that but you still feel the same way, congratulations for making the cut. There’s many definitions of “control freak” but I’m talking about the kind that tries to plan and execute every detail of every event, day, second, thing, place trying to find comfort in your own doings. I have had so much change in my life that I don’t. want. any. more. Is there a unsubscribe button for that? 

You can try and fight change, but really all you’re doing is fighting the opportunity to grow and blossom into a wiser, stronger, more adaptable you. I think God loves to give freedom and sometimes I use that freedom to plan everything and then he kindly breaks that plan and brings me to the floor and the cheez-its and reminds me I’m not in charge. It’s humbling and really freakin’ annoying. 

But its holy. It’s graceful. It’s in-bloom.

It’s another chance to trust God in the hard times. Really learn to trust him. 

So today I was reminded once again, that I’m still on the journey of trusting God in the deep waters and letting go of my floaties. Are you there with me too? Letting go is hard but we’re in the same boat blog stalker.

What’s that one quote that goes something like, he brought you to it and he’ll bring you through it? I’m gonna go figure out who said that and write it 100 times in my journal. And also finish these cheez-its cause yolo. 

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