Push & Pull

Ever feel mediocre? Like you aren’t special? Like there are those other humans who are so spectacular and well-known and glorified for their specialness and you’re just stumbling through life trying not to get food in your hair at lunch? I’m not feeling so chosen these days. Not feeling like I have the best anything or the worthy anything that makes me stick out. I’m pretty sure I’ve blogged about this 47 times but it’s a reoccurring thing for me, a push and pull of an unchosenness, and an uncallingness to my life.

As I’m sitting there blotting the toothpaste off my eyebrow, (how did it get there?) I wonder what my life would be like if I felt so at peace all the time, filled to the brim, so out-of-this-world delighted. Would I need other people? Would I need God? Would my heart be so intricately sculpted, molded, changed if I was never challenged? Maybe this push and pull is pushing and pulling me towards other people. People who I wouldn’t be myself without. People who help me learn and grow.

I honestly don’t know why but I know every person has a thorn and this is mine and my heart has been reshaped too many times to give up now. So you better not give up either and you better tell me I’m not the only one walking around like a hot mess most (all) of the time. Please.

Here’s to our thorns and this push and pull, push and pull, push and pull…pushing and pulling us towards each other forever.


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