Wild 

What do you do when you aren’t chosen? Or wanted? The reality of life is when you aren’t picked first it can feel like you aren’t picked at all. The world might as well be a flat. We’d relate better. We’re all too familiar with measuring sticks anyways. Constantly comparing ourselves and families and bodies and money to the next persons. Marking our skin like rulers.

What do you do when you aren’t chosen?
I overcompensate.

I’m reading this book right now called Wild and Free. Doesn’t that sound so appealing? I wish I could tell you it’s a how-to on mustering up courage to forget responsibilities and strip naked in the wild with no cares in tow. That also sounds appealing but I think that’s illegal.
When I used to think of wild I would think no boundaries, crazy, untamable. But now I understand wild as in wild enough to be just who I am. Unapologetic of being comfortable in my own skin. Untamable in my pursuit of becoming who I was created to be. And free. Not in terms of responsibilities or relationships. Free as in no fear. Free to live in grace and forgiveness and joy because there is no shame in free.

It always comes back to those deep cuts. The risen scars stitched up jagged across our hearts.
We don’t have to be perfect to be worth it.
We don’t have to be the perfect friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, athlete, sister, teacher, mother there ever was. We just have to be us. Just us.

We can experiment with leaving defensive living behind. We can rock the boat; we can let go of control; we can break the mold and not meet expectations. We can risk stepping on toes without the fear of losing our relationship or standing with God. We believe in his power to reconcile.

Living defensively can look a lot like pretending to be something we’re not. It can look a lot like “I’m fine.” It can look like hiding in your chained up shame-filled closet. No light can ever get in. There’s no redemption there.

This past week I’ve been working on not being what every single person wishes I’d be. It’s so fun! I’ve been asking myself what I need myself to be and I’ve been doing a lot of that. We can waste a whole lifetime missing who we are, never truly discovering what we’re made for, never feeling like anyone could love the real us because no one knows the real us.
Let’s cut the shit. No more overcompensating out of fear that maybe our families or boyfriends or friends wouldn’t love us as much if we rocked the boat. No more wasting our lives withholding what we have to offer the world.
Step on those toes! Rock that boat. Don’t meet that expectation. Feel the shake and watch your old skin fall as you break free into your true, wild identity.

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